Saturday, June 23, 2012

First beginning, ending to a start. 365.

At this moment, I'm feeling a mix of strange emotions; I've got this thought in the back of my head telling me "what if you don't take pictures?" or "what if you completely lose all motivation?" I know I can't think like that, and I know I'll still take pictures whenever I have a spark in inspiration. But it's scary thinking it won't have to be a part of my everyday routine anymore. I remember constantly thinking during my 365 "Oh, I'm gonna do all of these things once this is done. I'm going to do this, this, this, and this. It will be amazing." But as my 365 came to a hasty finish; it really feels like all I want to do is take more pictures.
I don't want to do this, or that, or all of those things.
With that being said; my 365 has been the best choice I've ever made in my life. It's changed me as a person in a whole, and enhanced my love for photography by thousands.
There are things I learned during this project I know I'm never going to forget. I won't list them all, but here are a few of the biggest things I feel I learned:

I learned how to live with a camera by my side at every waking moment; and now I won't be able to live without it.

I learned what it was like to feel completely intoxicated with inspiration.

I learned how to get inspiration when I had non.

I learned my favorite way of meditation is going out alone to take pictures.

I learned endless things about myself.
It has helped me grow, helped me feel, and express myself.
I don't know what I'd be doing today if I didn't do this project.

As I've been getting ready for what my last picture should be, I'm finding myself getting sort of nostalgic. Like I can feel all the emotions I had during my 365 bubble up, searching through my brain in little cycles. Overwhelmed by the feelings of relief, and lostness. It'll be strange.

Once I thought about it for a long time. I sat, and imagined how it feels to start. When you start something new you have this whole new outlook on everything. It feels so fresh, reborn almost.
So my parents drove me to the most amazing abandoned neighborhood. Everything's destroyed, not suitable for living, really. Vines growing inside the houses, and through the doors. And I see them as sort of a strange ending to a house. I guess almost all houses end that way, abandoned, rustic, falling apart, being vandalized. But really, these houses should not be abandoned. The houses are brand new, built around the same time my house was built; just over-development. They inspired me to really imagine myself maybe someday buying an old house and getting something that's ultimately finished a start.

Which is how I'm looking at this 365. It's ultimately finished, there's nothing left of a 365 once it's finished. But it sure can start something else. Something big. And I think that's how I'm feeling now. Something big will come from this (and already has come from it). So. Here it is. 

365, an ultimately finished story of a start.

And finally, last, but not least. Thank you everyone for your constant support, encouragement, and helping me through all of this. It was definitely a difficult project, but I couldn't have done it without my friends and family. Thank you. <3